The Republican National Committee unveiled a new diversity initiative Thursday aimed at courting racial minorities united by their hatred of trans people. The program, named TrueGender GOP, seeks to reframe the Trump administration’s sweeping cuts to health care and education as victories in the president’s war on “transgender ideology.”
“Republicans are building on President Trump’s historic gains among bigoted Americans of all backgrounds,” said RNC Chairman Joe Gruters. “Whether you’re a Texas abuela who misgenders her grandson or a California tiger mom who sends her child to conversion therapy, there’s a place for you in our big tent.”
Former North Carolina gubernatorial candidate Mark Robinson will lead the initiative. He said the RNC plans to strategically locate field offices near pawn shops, liquor stores and payday lenders to “meet the community where it’s at.”
The rollout also featured testimonials from the initiative’s earliest participants.
“No men in the girls’ locker room,” said unemployed Florida mom Latisha Jackson, whose asthmatic daughter struggles to use her underfunded school’s mold-infested facilities. “It’s common sense.” She also accused the Title I school, which cannot afford a full-time nurse, of secretly performing “trans surgeries” on students.
Arizona contractor Guillermo Garcia, whose nephew was unlawfully detained by ICE and suffered a skull fracture while in custody, urged trans people to “free themselves from the sick prison of gender confusion.” Garcia said he joined TrueGender GOP after becoming alarmed by the amount of transgender adult content that appeared in his social media feed. “They’re pushing this everywhere,” he said. “Every account, every platform. It’s demonic.”
Robinson said Jackson and Garcia represented a new generation of patriotic minorities ready to abandon a Democratic Party too beholden to “woke extremists.”
“We are called to judge people not by the color of their skin,” he said. “But by the contents of their pants.”
NOTE: This article is a work of satire. The events and quotations described are fictional and intended for humor and commentary.